[a letter to me at 16]

To celebrate Emily Freeman's new book "Graceful", she is asking others to consider what you would say to the 16 yr. you. Please check out her blog and join in the fun and challenge of figuring out what you would say to you.

 

Dear Virginia,

I know…I know. You go by “Ginny” because “Virginia” makes you feel like an old grandma. I’ve heard/said that a million times. In a few short years, that will change. Right now you are in a residential foster care placement. Things happened that were absolutely beyond your control. You have been broken into pieces because of it. You will be stronger for this. Your experience of foster care will open your eyes to a silent population of children who have no voice. You will dedicate your life to serving those who are broken. You will make it. You will survive. You will do more than survive. You will overcome.

You have a tendency to run. Whether you run by hiding, lying, pretending, stuffing, exploding, denying, cutting, wrong relationships, numbing your feelings, breaking rules. Please lets these words simmer in your heart until you are ready: You cannot run away from the things you keep carrying. There will be one time when it’s okay to run—and as scared as you will be—RUN from Nebraska to South Carolina for college. Don’t look back. You will desperately want to change and you will want to be called Virginia. You will find yourself uncomfortable in this foreign environment. It’s okay. You will make it your home. It will be amazing. People will swallow you up with love. You will find your reason to stop running. You will break the cycle.

You will feel alone. Often. There is a difference between what we feel and the truth. Don’t buy in to the lie of your feelings. And hold on tight-Love is coming. Yes, you will meet the man God has picked for you. Not the high school boyfriend, so please don’t waste your time on him. This man will share his heart with you while yours breaks. Through these words, you will find life. You will find the unconditional love you have searched for that was right there all along. Sweet Jesus loves you. Your identity is found in Christ alone. Not in the words others have said, not in the crimes committed in the darkness, not in the eyes of the world. Your identity, your value, your WORTH is found alone in the fact that YOU ARE PRICELESS TO THE KING! You’re so precious to the Kingdom that God gave His Son as a sacrifice for you, the things you bury, the guilt and shame you carry, the walls you build, the shadows you allow in your life—All of it. He sees it. He will never run like the rest. He is always there. Mercy. Redemption. Hope. Promise. Love sweet love. And through Him, you are healed. Your scars are made into a beautiful testimony.  You are rescued, loved and transformed for Him. This man who shared his heart is a precious gift from God. Take time enjoying the wonderful love story he will write. And fear not what the doctors have said. You will have beautiful babies. Not your plan or timing, but God is perfect and those babies are your crown jewels.

You have a deep longing for your father. While he abandoned you and has never had any relationship with you whatsoever, you have a place deep in your heart of wonder, love, hope, and forgiveness. Unearned and freely given. This place will help lead to healing. I am so thankful you’ve kept it buried deeply and untarnished. You will meet your father, but you will only have a few precious years. As quickly as he came, my sweet child, he will leave again, although in a way God has already planned. This will happen as you are finding the sweetness in being a beautifully exhausted new mother. You will grieve the “what could have been”. This will hurt you deeply and your precious heart will throb and ache for years. You will try to run away again. Wait for the sun to break through the darkness my love. Stop reaching into the dark for answers. Reach into the light.

Fight for joy. Don’t fight people. You’ve built so many walls and you fight anyone who wants to get close. You’ll figure this out soon enough who to let in and who to set boundaries with. There are relationships you have invested in that you will find are toxic. These will dig at your heart. It will be okay. Work through it. Don’t waste moments reliving the pain. Set your boundaries.  Love and pray for their hearts. Love and pray for your heart. Keep moving forward.

I know how excited you are to take sewing instead of cooking, but please hear me out. You will still be clueless on how to sew after the class. Please invest your time in cooking. You will mess up many a meal, pass around food poisoning like Halloween candy, and set the kitchen on fire every year. Please go change your class schedule now.

Stop listening to Master P’s  “Make ‘Em Say ‘Uh”. You will rap this song almost every chance you get and it will not help you make any friends whatsoever. Also, a few months ago you shaved your head [still confused about this]. While we won't address the awkward "growing out stage"  you are in now, please do us a favor. Get a flippin' straightener! Your hair will grow back darker brown wavy and thick. Straighten that mess sweet child. You cannot rock the afro. Or the plastic silver pants you are waiting to come back in style. 

Stay strong little me. You're amazing, You just don't believe it yet. :)